it's like iHOP with fire
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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