what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
