what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
