i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
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