she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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