Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
