I faked an abortion last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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