I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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