she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
