I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
