my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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