clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
