over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
