based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize