She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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