I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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