your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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