just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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