i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
