I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
