what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
