I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
