IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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