you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
