when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
