i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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