I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize