I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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