Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
