I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
