I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So vagazzling was a success
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think people are normalizing furries
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
