shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
