I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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