Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize