he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
