More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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