i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
