tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
