His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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