No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
