Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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