2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
