I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
