I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
