i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
