I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
