The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Randomize
