Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
