he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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