He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
