omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Are my feet made of real feet?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize