Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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