I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
