Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
