There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
