sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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