She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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