nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
