walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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