It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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