my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
