I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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