Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You are a genius and a whore.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
