Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
