yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
did i walk over a car last night?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
