I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
