Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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